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Truth is Stranger Than Fiction

Lucy Simian: Class! Time to hand in your homework!
Darwin: What are we going to do? What are we going to do? If we tell her the truth, she'll flip!
Gumball: Be cool, buddy. It'll be fine.
Lucy Simian: [grunts as she takes up Sussie's homework, which is wet with spit] Ugh! At least it's on time.
Darwin: I wasn't built to take this much pressure!
Gumball: Relax, man. We'll just tell her what really happened.
Lucy Simian: All right, you two. What's today's excuse?
Gumball: [clears throat] Our dad ate our homework.
Lucy Simian: [growls angrily, as the shot abrubtly transitions to the outside of Miss Simian's room] Go to the guidance counselor immediately!
Gumball: But, Miss Simian—
Lucy Simian: And don't come back until you've learned how to tell the truth! [slams door]
[Gumball and Darwin groan]

Counseling Part 1

Mister Small: And this is what the inside of a liar looks like.
Gumball and Darwin: Ewwww!
Mister Small: Notice the dark abyss here. That's the corrupt soul of the liar.
Gumball: But, Mr. Small, we're not liars.
Mister Small: [scoffs] You should tell that to the last boy who sat there and lied to me. He's there now.
Darwin: The prison?!
Mister Small: No, next to it.
Gumball: The cemetery! What happened to him?
Mister Small: He just works there.
[Gumball and Darwin sigh in relief]
Mister Small: Now, let me show you something. [rummages around in his cabinet, he takes out a small hat and blows on it] This is the lying hat. Now, watch what happens when I put it on. Your mother called!
Gumball and Darwin: Oh!
Mister Small: She says she hates you.
Gumball: [gasp, tearfully] She does?
Darwin: [glass breaking] I think my heart just broke.
Mister Small: It's okay, kids. That was a lie.
[Gumball and Darwin sigh in relief]
Mister Small: But, you see, that's what a lie will do—hurt your feelings. She hates you.
Gumball and Darwin: Aww.
Mister Small: She loves you.
Gumball and Darwin: Yay!
Mister Small: Hates you!
Gumball and Darwin: Aww.
Mister Small: Loves you.
Gumball and Darwin: Yay!
[He continues to ask this until their voices become so fast that they're indistinguishable; Gumball and Darwin start breathing heavily afterwards]
Mister Small: So, what have we learned today?
Darwin: Never trust a man in a hat.
Mister Small: Yes, but what else?
Gumball and Darwin: Uhhhh...
Mister Small: Honesty is the best policy.
Gumball and Darwin: Oh.
Mister Small: Say it.
Gumball and Darwin: Honesty is the best policy.
Mister Small: Good. And again.
Gumball and Darwin: Honesty is the best policy. Honesty is the best policy. Honesty is the best policy. Honesty is the best policy...
[The scene dissolves with the audio]

Just want to be honest

Gumball Okay, Darwin. Remember, from now on, we only tell the truth.
Darwin: Okay. Your face is too big.
Gumball: [offended gasp] Well, when you say "S," your gills whistle.
Darwin: [while whistling his 's's] You smell so stinky, sailor sings sea shanties about your stinkyness!
Gumball: When you're asleep, your face looks like this! [stretches his face]
Darwin: When you're awake, your face looks like this! [squeezes his face]
Gumball: [shouting] You walk like a Princess!
Darwin: [shouting] You walk like a pigeon!
Gumball: Okay. That's us covered. Let's bring our honesty to the world.
Darwin to Juke: You've got a monobrow.
[Juke makes a sad tape rewinding noise]
Gumball to Alan: You've got no hands.
[Alan deflates]
Gumball: Just being honest.
Darwin to Anton: Your face is burnt.
Gumball to Penny: I love you.
[Penny gasps]
Darwin: But he'll never make the first move.
Gumball: Hm!
Darwin to Tobias: [points at Idaho] He's having a party on Friday, and he didn't invite you.
Tobias: What?!
Idaho: Sorry, man. You're just not cool enough.
Gumball: Whoa-ho! This one is long overdue. Hey, Tina?
[Tina looks at them and growls]
Gumball: You smell, and it's not very ladylike.
Darwin: It's like a sweaty watch strap.
Gumball: Nah, it's more like raw chicken and rancid milk in a plastic bag.
Darwin: Yeah—that's been left in the sun for a week.
Gumball: Okay, now that we have your smelliness covered, let's move on to your personality.
[Tina growls angrily and stomps on them]
Darwin: Ow.
Gumball: Yep.
Darwin: Ah.
Gumball: The truth hurts.

In Trouble Again

Lucy Simian: Oh, Nigel...
Nigel Brown: Let's leave all this behind and go live on a desert island.
Lucy Simian: But how would we survive?
Nigel Brown: On fruit, water... and love.
Lucy Simian: Oh!
Gumball: [clears throat] Did you ask us in here for a reason?
Nigel Brown: Yes, of course, Watterson. I've been getting a lot of complaints. What on Earth's gotten into you?
Gumball: Principal Brown, can I be honest with you?
Nigel Brown: Uh, I— Y-yes.
Gumball: I can't help thinking that your relationship with Miss Simian could be compromising your professionalism.
Darwin: I completely agree, Gumball. And, frankly, I fear my education is suffering as a result.
Gumball: And besides, Principal Brown, you can do so-o-o much better than that.
[Both Principal Brown and Miss Simian growl angrily at them]

Counseling Part 2

Mister Small: Okay, so you got honesty wrong. Perhaps we should try something else! I'd like you to meet a friend of mine. [rustles around in his filing cabinet] Eh, one second. [popping sounds, grunting sounds]
Mister Small: [in a dopey voice] Hello, children. I'm the honesty bear.
Gumball: O-kay.
Mister Small: I'm here to explain that honesty's not all black and white. But, like my fur, it's more of a gray area. Gray. See that? Gray fur. Now, there are some things that are "too" honest to say out loud.
Gumball: Honesty bear, I'm confused. What can we be honest about?
Mister Small: Let me put this in a language you kids will understand—hippity rap!
[The song "The Honesty Rap" starts]
Mister Small: H-h-h-h-honesty!
[crab scratch] Honesty!
Break it down!
When you want to be honest, just beware
Truth hurts in this nitrogenic atmosphere
You gotta wake up, realize, and recognize
Sometimes the truth has strategeical lies
But keep them lies of a managable size
Or tears will arise and hurt their eyes
So before you speak, it's best to remember
Each individual case will require a specific judgement call, depending on who you're talking to and the context of the conversation!
[Song ends]
Mister Small: Any questions? No? Excellent! Goodbye. [rudely shoves the two of them out the room]
Gumball: Hmm. Okay, I think I got it. You should always tell the truth, unless you have to lie, but if you do lie, you should tell the truth about it, unless you're talking to someone who's lying, because if they tell a lie and you tell the truth, it'll be a lie because you were lying about telling the truth, inside of a lie, so the whole thing's a lie while still being true.
[Darwin's head explodes]

Post-Counseling pt 2

Gumball: [sighs] Man, this "truth and honesty" thing is hard.
Nigel Brown: Has anyone seen the nurse? I think my head may be on fire. Is my head on fire?
Gumball: Um... W-would it be a good thing or a bad thing if it was on fire?
Nigel Brown: A bad thing, of course!
Gumball and Darwin: It's not on fire.
Nigel Brown: Oh! Hoho, whew! For a minute there, I thought my head was on fire. What a relief. So, how are things with you, Watterson?
Gumball: Uh...yeah, not bad. You?
Nigel Brown: Pretty good, pretty good. So, no more of that lying trouble, I hope?
Gumball: Eh... [coughs loudly] No.
Nigel Brown: All right, then. Toodle-oo! [the fire alarm starts ringing and the sprinklers turn on]

Counseling pt 3

Mister Small: Hmmmm. Okay. Looks like I'm going to have to introduce you to someone else. [rummages through his filing cabinet] I'd like you to say hello to the Silence Snake.
Gumball and Darwin: Hello, Si--
Silence Snake: Silencessssssssss!
Gumball: B--
Silence Snake: Silencessssssss!
[Gumball and Darwin let out a scared whimper]
Mister Small: Now, I bet your tiny minds are thinking... [dopey, childish voice] "But, what if there's something important we need to say?" [normal voice] Well, why don't you ask the Silence Snake?
[Gumball and Darwin let out another scared whimper]
Mister Small: Go on. He won't bite.
Gumball: O-kay... What—
Silence Snake: Silencesssssss!
Mister Small: Well, it looks like my work here is done. [he begins to lose his balance]
[Mr. Small falls into the bottom drawer of the filing cabinet and it shuts.]
Mister Small: [muffled] Uh... boys? Can you hear me? Say something!
[The Silence Snake is glaring at Gumball and Darwin, which makes them too scared to say anything]
Mister Small: I think my knees are digging into my back. You need to help me. Now, there should be a little, gold key on my desk. Oh, don't worry! I've got it here. Oh, gosh. Please, no! Oh, wait! Maybe I can just— [crunching sound] Aaaaah!
[Gumball and Darwin shudder]
Mister Small: [urgently] Okay, you need to get some help right now. Right now! [Gumball dials the Elmore Police Station]
Doughnut Sheriff: Elmore Police.
[Gumball inhales, but Darwin slaps his mouth closed]
[Darwin squeaks]
[The Silence Snake is still glaring at them, they rush out the door to get help]
Doughnut Sheriff: Hello? Hello? [sighs] I'm sick of these prank phone calls.

Looking for Help

Nigel Brown: Hmm? Oh, it's just not the same.
[Gumball and Darwin rush in making urgent sounds]
Nigel Brown: Oh, what now?
[Gumball and Darwin continue attempting to communicate without opening their mouths]
Nigel Brown: Eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh! What's that supposed to mean?
Gumball: Ha, ahh, nya! Uh!
Darwin: Hnngh, [panting] hnngh!
Nigel Brown: What?! Miss Simian's trapped down the old abandoned well?! I'm coming, my smoochkins! Hup! [falls through a second story window] Aaaah! [slams onto the pavement] [weakly] E-elbows, don't fail me now.
Lucy Simian: So, anyway, the plan is to live on fruit, water, and love.
Rocky: Dude, I don't care.
Lucy Simian: Well, go back to fixing the toilets, then!
[Gumball and Darwin run up and try to talk to Miss Simian]
Lucy Simian: What do you want?
[The boys do the same routine again]
Lucy Simian: What? I'm trapped down the old abandoned well? Oh, no! I'm coming! [falls through a second story window] Aaaaah! [slams onto pavement] [weakly] Come on, chin. Don't fail me now.
[Gumball and Darwin run into Rocky in the hall, his crowbars fall with a clang]
Rocky: Whoa-oa-oa! Slow down, little dudes.
[They do the routine for the third time]
Rocky: What's that? Mr. Small rocked back smugly on his chair, fell into the bottom drawer of his filing cabinet, it locked shut, and you want to use these crowbars to break him out?
Gumball and Darwin: [gasp] Mmmmm!
Rocky: Aww. See ya! [jumps out the window]

Saving Mister Small

Mister Small: Aah! Oh! Aah!
[Gumball and Darwin rush inside the room]
Mister Small: Boys, i-i-is that you? Do something! Anything!
[Darwin hits the side of the filing cabinet with the crowbar]
Mister Small: Ow! Well, on the plus side, I think that loosened the lock a little. Keep going!
[Both start hitting the cabinet with their crowbars]
Mister Small: Aah! Aah! Ooh!
[The drawer pops open, Mr. Small inhales deeply before Gumball accidentally hits it again, causing the drawer to shut. Gumball and Darwin facepalm.]
Mister Small: Aah! Just a thought, but maybe you wanna lever the drawer open with that crowbar?
[Gumball and Darwin strain to open the door, but the cabinet falls on the floor with a loud thud]
[The Doughnut Sheriff bursts through the door]
Doughnut Sheriff: Freeze! Police! [gasps] You're coming with me, you little hooligans!
Gumball: But— [Darwin puts his fin on Gumball's mouth to show him that the Silence Snake is watching them, he stays silent.]

Conclusion

Doughnut Sheriff: Why won't you talk? Talk, darn it! Talk!
Nicole: Officer, there's clearly been some kind of misunderstanding.
Doughnut Sheriff: Well, ma'am, looking at their rap sheet, it seems they are not first-time offenders. Multiple accounts of antisocial behavior, vandalizing school property, and setting their Principal on fire.
Lucy Simian: And all because you lied about your father eating your homework.
Richard: [falls on the floor and begins to sob] Okay! I did it! Take me away!
Lucy Simian: But why?
Richard: I thought it was gonna make me smart!
Doughnut Sheriff: Well, it obviously didn't. So, I guess you boys didn't lie after all.
Nicole: Oh, I'm so proud of you two!
Gumball and Darwin: Thanks, mom.
Nigel Brown: Um...one more thing. You don't happen to know where Mr. Small is, do you?
Doughnut Sheriff: The only clue we could find was this sock.
[The Silence Snake hisses and Gumball and Darwin immediately deny that they know where Mr. Small is]
Doughnut Sheriff: Oh, well. Case closed!
Mister Small: [from inside his room] This isn't funny anymore! Can somebody please open this thing?!
Rocky: Huh? [loud rock music is heard coming from his headphones, he doesn't hear anything] Eh. [walks away]
Mister Small: He-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-l—
[Episode ends]
veTAWOGEPISODESfont Transcript
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