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A New Pet

[The Watterson living room. Gumball, Darwin, and Anais, clad in business wear, are behind the couch with a presentation stand]
Anais: Alright team, let's rehearse this one more time.
[Gumball inhales deeply and straightens his tie]
Gumball: I'd like to start today's presentation by asking you one important question. Is your family happy? [Chuckles] I know what you're gonna say. "Sure, we're pretty happy", but ask yourself this, could this family be more happy? 
Anais: Good, now don't forget to compliment the buyer.
Gumball: Love your shoes by the way, I have the same pair myself.
Anais: Dad doesn't wear shoes.
Gumball: Love your feet by the way, I have the same pair myself. So, how are we going to turn this averagely happy family into the happiest family in the business? I'll tell ya how, expansion. Let me present, the Puppy Project. Now I'll pass you on to our field expert.
Darwin: Thank you, Greg. [Puts on glasses] I've been in the pet business for a while. In fact, if you check my resume, as an ex-animal companion myself, I have the skill set to manage this Puppy Project, and take it to the next level from canine nutrition to hygiene supervision and maximization of open space ambulation.
Anais: Good, you blind the buyer with science, then we hit them with the big sell. Here's the graph showing our current happiness levels. Hm, not bad, but let me show you our projections for the next few quarters! [Turns graph] As you can see, through the roof. [The bar graphs are literally bursting into the ceiling]
[Gumball]: Now let's see some mock-ups from our art department. [Turns graph, showing a drawing of the very happy Wattersons with the puppy] Think about it! This could be you. This could be us.
Anais: Good! Now go aggressive to seal the deal!
All: Please, can we get a puppy, PLEASE, can we get a puppy, PLEASE, CAN WE GET A PUPPY?
Anais: Alright. Let's pester this man until he begs for mercy, then pester some more.
[They run in front of the couch, only to see that their father has gone]
Gumball: What the pop?! He vanished!
[Richard opens the door, holding a box and a sandwich. He settles down on the couch and the box on the table]
Richard: So, I saw this commercial on TV yesterday for washing powder and I thought about how much you would need to clean a monkey and then I thought about how cute monkeys were with their furry little faces, and then I thought that puppies were even cuter than dogs, so that's why I bought a sandwich. [Takes a bite of his sandwich]
Gumball: What's in the box, then?
Richard: A puppy. That's what you guys wanted, wasn't it?
[Gumball, Darwin, and Anais are stunned]
All except Richard: YAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!
[The trio open the box and are grossed out at what they see]
Anais: Ugh. What is that? It looks like an angry, green hat.
Gumball: Nah, more like a very mean, old man carrying a sad house on his back.
Darwin: Myeeh, or like an evil wiener poking out of a ravioli.
[It's revealed that it's a nile softshell turtle inside the box, hissing at the kids]
[Nicole enters the house with groceries]
Nicole: Please tell me that isn't a puppy.
Anais: Definitely isn't a puppy.
Nicole: I can't believe you've done this, Richard! Having a pet is a big responsibility and I don't have time to look after a- [Looks inside the box] elllch. What on earth is that?
Richard: It's a Labradoodle. [The turtle hisses] It's a Labra-turtle.
Nicole: If you kids wanted a turtle-
Anais: We didn't want a turtle.
Nicole: Well, you should of thought of that before making your father buy one.
Gumball: But we didn't- [Sighs]
Nicole: And you better take good care of it, because that little guy is your responsibility... for as long as he lives!
[The turtle hisses]

Bonding with the Turtle

[The children's bedroom. The kids are gathered around the turtle, who is still in the box. Anais is reading a book titled "My Pet Turtle"]
Darwin: Look, I agree that he's kind of mega-gross, cold, wet, smells like a belly button, and has the beady eyes of a ventriloquist dummy, but he's part of the family now, so we're gonna love him like a Watterson.
Gumball: OK, where do we start?
Anais: Well, the best way to make a bond with a new pet is physical contact.
Gumball[Reaches over to the turtle] Ehhhh, come here, little guy. [The turtle extends his neck] Eeeehhhhhh, maybe not.
Darwin: Dude, don't let your fear prevent you from having a beautiful relationship.
Gumball: I'm not scared, I just don't think he likes me.
[Darwin rolls eyes and slowly shakes his head]
Gumball: Really, the "I feel sorry that you can't feel love" face? Fine, I'll touch him. [Touches the turtle's slimy shell and wipes the goo on Anais' cheek]
Anais: Oh come on, that's not petting. He can't feel anything on his shell.
Gumball: Alright, fine. [Reaches for the turtle while it hisses back at him. The turtle's long neck rises out the shell] What the-OHOHOHOH! Okay! [Jiggles the turtle's neck] There, there. Good boy. Happy now? [The turtle bites his hand. He shrieks] [High-pitched] It's even grosser on the inside! Ow...Ow... [Smells hand and gags] Would it make me a bad person if I said I really, really don't like this turtle?
Darwin and Anais: Yes, yes it would.
Gumball: Okay, I'll just think it really hard. [Thinking] I really, really don't like this TURTLEEEEE!!!
[In the kitchen, the kids are gathered around the table, with the turtle's box on it]
Anais: Okay, maybe he's not ready for physical contact yet.
Darwin: Maybe he's just hungry. [Smiles goofily] I get pretty cranky when I'm hungry!
Gumball: [Furiously] What are you gonna feed him, souls? I'm sorry, but I'm calling it. That turtle is... EVIL INCARNATE!
Anais: I'm sure he's more scared of us than we are of him. Who knows what's going through his head right now?
Evil Turtle: [Thinking]: BITE, BITE, BITE! EAT FOOD FOR STRENGTH TO BITE, BITE, BITE! MAKE LITTLE TURTLES TO BITE EVEN MORE!
Anais: Or maybe he's just anxious because this is our territory. We should give him his own space. [A place for the turtle is quickly set up] There! You can bring over now!
[Gumball, clothed in makeshift armor, carries the turtle with a pair of kitchen tongs. The turtle snaps and hisses at him]
Darwin: Dude, if you treat him like a vicious criminal, he's bound to behave like one. Put him down. [Gumball complies] Good. Now take off your armor. You'll have to trust him if you want him to trust you.
Gumball: [Takes off armor] Okay, now what?
Darwin: [Softly] Talk to him.
[Gumball attempts to talk with the turtle. It bites his face off and he collapses to the ground]
Anais: [Nervously] And... now we just sit back, relax, and watch him become at one with us and his surroundings.
[After a while, the turtle has turned his living space into a burning desolate place. He hisses at the kids and bites off an action figure's head. The turtle then laughs]

Getting Rid of the Turtle

Gumball: Now I know what you're gonna say... "You promised to take care of it, you're shirking responsibility!" But ask yourself this: Who is really responsible here? The person who is given the responsibility, or the person who gave that person the responsibility". I say technically you can only blame yourself.
Richard: [Drinking from straw] That is a very convincing argument. Unfortunately to persuade this family CEO the turtle would have to do something absolutely horrific.
Nicole: OH MY GOSH IT'S ABSOLUTELY HORRIFIC!!
Richard: [Driving] I can`t believe you did that! I mean, there`s horrific and there's absolutely horrific, but you were..! [Rolls down the window and sticks his hand up outside]
[Richard stops the car]
Gumball: Dad, this is a parking lot. Where`s the store?
Richard: It's gone.
Gumball: What do you mean "it's gone"?
Richard: It was right there! It was a small store, it was bright red and had a door that slide open like this [Mimics van door] and the man inside sold puppies and watches and stereos and fur coats and golf clubs and fireworks and he was such a nice man...
Gumball: Dad, that was a van.
Anais: You bought a turtle from a man... in a van.
Richard: Such an awesome store.... [Breaks down crying]
[The car starts bouncing up and down, and the horn blares "La Cucaracha"]
Gumball: What's that?
Richard: He fixed up my car as well.

Operation: Find Awesome Store

Richard: So, we're here and we know the store was here, and if we draw a line between them it spells the letter "I" and we all know that there's no "I" in team, so we know that the van isn't in a sports center. But look what happens when I draw a line here, and here: the trident Of Poseidon, lord of the sea. You know what that means? It means that the store is waiting for us at 475 West Elmore Boulevard!
Anais: That's a map of Switzerland.
Richard: Exactly!
Gumball: All right, let's take the turtle there.
Richard: To Switzerland?
Anais: No, Elmore Boulevard. Where is the turtle by the way?
Darwin: Oh, I've left his tank outside so that he could take a break. I'm worried all this bonding's not good for his jaw.
Anais: How long he's been out there? It's boiling hot!
[The kids are outside sadly looking down at what's left of Evil Turtle who had shriveled up from dehydration]
Darwin: At least he passed away peacefully.
Gumball: Yeah, like a peaceful, evil raisin.
[The kids and Richard are giving the turtle a funeral]
Darwin: [Sniffles] Before we say goodbye to our beloved family pet, Evil Turtle, I think we should all say a few words to let him know how much he meant to us.
Gumball, Anais and Richard: Hmmm.
Darwin: I'll always think fondly of the way he put fear into my heart.
Gumball, Anais and Richard: Hmmm.
Anais: Every time I stare down at the scar tissue on my hand, I'll think of him.
Gumball and Darwin: Hmmm.
Richard: Only once in your lifetime, does something touch your heart in the way that... awesome store did! [Sobs in his hands]
Gumball: Dad, you gotta move on.
Anais: Gumball, do you have anything you like to add?
Gumball: Yeah, er.... I'll miss his.... you know the funny way he... the thing he... I got nothing.
Darwin: [Drops the dead turtle into the trash bag] All of this because we couldn't take care of him.
[Darwin cries over the turtle and a single drop falls on the turtle who immediately recovers and hisses at them, scaring Gumball]
Darwin: He was revived by my tears.
Gumball: IT FEEDS ON MISERY!!!
[The turtle climbs out and crosses the road away from the Wattersons, hissing and snarling furiously]
Darwin: Somebody save him, he could get hurt!
[The Turtle moves into the path of a speeding car in which the car crashes into pieces and the turtle was unharmed and unfazed by the impact]
Anais: Forget saving the turtle, we need a plan to save the neighborhood.

A Bait and Trap

[Anais brings out a big plate full of turkey drumsticks]
Gumball: This is no time for dinner!
Anais: This isn't for us. The plan is to use it as bait. After eating all this turkey, he'll fall into a food coma and I'll carefully put the bowl over his head and slide the card underneath him.
Gumball: You seriously think he's gonna fall for that?
Anais: Of course! We're the intellectually superior creatures here. He's just a dumb animal.
[They heard a bang on the table and they see that Richard has eaten all of the turkey and is fast asleep]
Gumball: OH NO! What are we gonna use as bait now?!
[Scene switches to the park lake which is now the Turtle's lair. Gumball is taped to a tree stump wearing nothing but his underwear]
Gumball: Why am I the bait?
Darwin: [Pops out of a bush] Because your the one he likes biting the most.
Gumball: Alright but why am I not allowed to wear clothes?
Darwin: [Pops out again] Because he could choke on them. [Moves back into bush only to come back out and placing leaves and twigs on Gumball's head]
Gumball: What was that for?
Darwin: Presentation. Its important.
Gumball: What?
Anais: Shhh! Just remember to let it get as close as possible to give me a chance to catch it.
Darwin: Just make sure you don't hurt him ok? he's really a small little guy and there is three... [Darwin gets dragged into the bushes and lets out a gasp before going quiet]
Gumball: .....Darwin? are you ok?
[Gumball looks around in fear as he hears a loud splash coming from the lake]
Gumball: Dude, is that you?... hello? is anyone there?
[Slowly the head of the turtle sticks out of the lake surface as he sets his sight on Gumball. They stare at each other for a moment before it immediately rushes out to attack Gumball. Gumball screams as the vicious turtle closes in and tries to bail out by removing the tape holding him in place. He has difficulty in peeling it off]
Gumball: I CAN'T FIND THE EDGE!!
[The Turtle moves in for the bite and at the last second Gumball pulls the tape edge and spins himself out of the trap while losing some of his fur. He runs away from the turtle as it chases after him]
Anais: Hey wait! what about the bowl?!
Gumball: What about my butt?!
[Scene changes to the Watterson's house as Nicole returns from work]
Nicole: Hello, I'm home. Kids, where are you? Richard? [Sees Richard sleeping on table] Richard, where are the kids? [Richard mumbles gibberish] Richard, I told you, we don't understand when you talk with your mouth full. [Richard mumbles] [Gibberish again] Richard, I told you you need to think before you say the words.
Richard: [Gasp] 475 WEST ELMORE BOULEVARD!! [Falls asleep]]

Terror In A Shell

[Gumball leaps over a fence as he runs from the Evil Turtle and tries to slow it down by throwing stuff at it. The Evil Turtle is unstoppable and breaks through everything thrown at him. Gumball then climbs on top of a red van in West Elmore Boulevard, escaping the turtle]
Gumball: [Panting] ok... I think I'm safe now. [Looks down the van] Where is it? [Panting]]
[The van's sunroof opens and the Evil Turtle bites Gumball's tail, dragging him down inside where it proceed to bite him mercilessly. Gumball struggles against the Turtle until Darwin shows up, muddy and covered in seaweed. The two stopped struggling as they see him]
Darwin: [Gruff voice] You thought you could drag me to the bottom of the lake so you could eat me later. Well guess what punk? I'm a fish... with legs! [Kicks the Evil Turtle into a box of fireworks]
[Nicole is driving with Richard who is still asleep towards the Boulevard as the car is bouncing with the horn blaring "La Cucaracha"]
Nicole: Richard, What have you done with the car?! How do you stop this?! [Stops the horn and the bouncing] ahh, thats better.
Richard: [Wakes up and sees the red van] AWESOME STORE!!!
[Richard's shout scares Nicole into crashing the car on an electricity post which falls into the van and its live cables pulled loose]
Darwin: [Swinging a golf club] I AM GONNA FISHSLAP YOUR RAGGEDY BUTT!!!
Gumball: [Pulling Darwin] DUDE, WE GOTTA GO!!
[Evil Turtle hisses at them, unaware that one of the loose electric cables ignited a firework. The two boys ran out of the van as it explodes]
Nicole: Kids! are you ok?!
Darwin: Hope its warm enough for you, you cold-blooded punk!
Richard: Awesome Store! NOOOOO...[Looks up at the fireworks] Ahh, Blue ones. Pretty.
[A hissing noise come from the fire as the Evil Turtle walks out of the inferno completely unharmed and walks slowly towards the Wattersons]
Gumball: [Gasps] No, this can't be possible. NOOOO! [Anais finally captures the turtle in a bowl as it hisses angrily at them]
Anais: Well, I guess there is no getting rid of it. We'll have to keep it as long as it lives.
Nicole: How long do they live?
Anais: A hundred and thirty years.
Evil Turtle: [Laughs]
[Episode ends]
veTAWOGEPISODESfont Transcript
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