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Selective Hearing

[The episode begins with Richard asleep on the living room sofa, wearing just a robe and underwear. He bolts upright when his ear picks up on something in the distance]
Richard: Huh-what?
[Not bothering to use the front door, or even change his clothes, he bursts through the wall at an incredible speed. Crashing through fences and houses alike, a trail of destruction is left in his wake. When he reaches the freeway, a speed camera clocks him at two hundred miles per hour. Up ahead, there is a sizable gap in the incomplete road, which he fails to clear]
Richard: Aaaah!
[He plummets into the canyon below and lands with a heavy thump. Proving little more than a minor inconvenience, Richard rockets back up the sheer cliff face. Meanwhile, Gumball and Darwin are relaxing by the fountain at the Elmore Mall]
Gumball: Yeah, it's a secret apparently.
[They hear a rumbling sound, and Richard zooms across the screen on his stomach, grabbing Gumball in the process]
Richard: [Screeches to a halt; Shouts] What did you just say?!
[Gumball points at something behind his father, and screams. Richard and Darwin look, and they all dive into the fountain together, narrowly avoiding the random debris caught in the suction of the slipstream]
Richard: [Stands; Shakes Gumball] Son! What did you just say?!
Gumball: I said... [Repeats his scream]
Richard: Before that!
Gumball: [Wincing] There's an urban legend about a secret menu at Joyful Burger!
[Richard puts his son down, dusts him off, then sits on the edge of the fountain]
Richard: You have my attention.
Gumball: [Hushed] The most secret item on it, is a burger. It is said that the burger does not exist until someone speaks its name. It must be summoned... from from the other side.
Darwin: Wait, isn't that how you order food anyway?
Gumball: You don't get it, dude. Apparently this burger is so hardcore, it qualifies as breakfast, lunch, and dinner. For seven people, for seven years. And they say that if you eat it in fifteen minutes, they'll pay.
Darwin: Pay for the burger?
Gumball: No, your hospital fees.
Richard: [Gasps; Speaks with reverie] This is the burger that I've been searching for all my life. My Atlantis, my Montezuma's gold, my Moby Dick... Except not literally, as I already ate a white whale.
Gumball: There's only one problem, Dad. You can't order it without knowing it's name.

Special Sauce

[Richard, Gumball, and Darwin, are in their car. Grinning, Richard pulls up to the Joyful Burger drive-through]
Larry: Welcome to Joyful Burger. Can I take your order?
Richard: [Chuckles; To the Burgie sign] Yes, I'd like a secret [Imitates static] burger, please.
Larry: Uh, could you repeat your order, sir?
Richard: [Groans] Yes, I would like the secret [Static] burger, please.
Larry: Uh, excuse me?
Richard: Listen, little man! I'm the [Static] customer here, and I [Static] don't want to have to repeat my order! [Static] One secret [Static] burger to go, you little-- [Static]
Larry: I'm sorry, sir, but that's not an intercom. Can I take your order please?
[Richard looks surprised, then moves ahead to the open window where Larry is waiting]
Richard: One khhppt burger.
Larry: Uh, for real?
Richard: Was I not clear enough?
Larry: Uh, have it your way, sir.
[Richard snickers again, but his smile turns to shock when Larry grabs the hamburger, removes the top bun, and spits, before handing it over]
Richard: [Disgusted] Ugh. [Shrugs] Mm.
[He decides to eat the hamburger anyway, but Gumball snatches it, tossing it out the car window]
Gumball: He meant the secret burger!
Larry: [Elusive] I see. And what is the name of the aforementioned secret burger?
[The car is now parked out front, with Richard and his sons taking their business inside]
Gumball: Ah, I got it. It's called the Vein Thickener! The Deep Fried Thrombosis? The Meat Your Maker? The Heartbreaker? The Bundertaker! The Commander In Beef! The Bowel Buster! No? More mysterious maybe... The Illumi-patty? The Area Beefty-One? The Bilderburger! [Pleading] Come on, man! You know what we're talking about!
Larry: Maybe. But I can't serve you something you don't even know the name of.
Darwin: There's only so many names it could be. We just need to figure out which one.
Gumball: You mean figure out sand-which one. [Elbows Darwin; Winks]
Darwin: Dude, stop with the puns.
Gumball: [Frantic] I can't! I've fallen down the pun hole! I've gone so deep I'm pundergound! What a punfortunate turn of events. I've pundermined any respect you had for me! I don't punderstand why I--
[Fed up, Darwin smacks him across the face]
Gumball: Ow! [Rubs his cheek] Dude, I know it was annoying, but it didn't warrant a punch.
[Darwin hits him again, knocking Gumball to the floor]
Gumball: Oww! That wasn't even a pun! That's just what that word is!

Sidetrack to Success

[The three are back outside the restaurant]
Richard: So, the plan is, you guys get hired at Joyful Burger.
Gumball: [Indignant] Why don't you get hired?
Richard: I can't.
Darwin: Why?
Richard: Uh... Because of my medical condition?
Gumball: [Skeptical] Really?
Richard: Well, I get this allergic reaction to effort. [Posturing] The symptoms are dangling arms, constant eye rolls, and a breathing problem that makes me sigh a lot. [Inhales deeply, followed by an exaggerated sigh]
Gumball: Being lazy is not a disease, Dad.
Richard: No, it's true! I really have a-- [Goes limp] Oh, I can't be bothered to finish that sentence. I'll give you twenty bucks if you do it.
Gumball: Wow, you've reached a whole new level of laziness. You've invented the reverse job. But okay. So what? We get hired, and then we look for the name of the secret burger?
Richard: They won't just tell anyone. They'll need to trust you. So first, you have to be the best employees ever.
[Gumball and Darwin wink at one another, and begin their new career by mopping floors. Impressed by their performance, Larry moves them to the griddle, where they continue to excel]
Larry: I don't know what that secret ingredient is, but the customers just love your burgers!
Darwin: The secret ingredient is love.
[Out in the parking lot, a group of people cheer as Gumball cuts a red ribbon with scissors]
Goblin: Great job! The board wants you two as managers. There's only one problem, you need to halve our labor costs.
[The brothers give a thumbs-up, exhibiting toothy grins]
Gumball & Darwin: Ah!
[Doing as requested, they bisect Larry's paycheck, uniform, and even his office. A ceremony is held again, this time with a larger ribbon and scissors]
Goblin: Great job! The board wants you as senior members. There's only one problem, you need to double production.
Gumball & Darwin: Ah!
[At the meat processing plant with Clipboard Man, they observe various bovine abominations passing by on a conveyor belt]
Gumball & Darwin: Ah!
[At yet another ceremony, Gumball struggles to lift the massive scissors up to an even bigger ribbon]
Goblin: Great job! The board wants you as our new CEOs. There's only one problem, you still have hearts.
[A surgical scar can be seen on Gumball's chest as he buttons his dress shirt]
Gumball & Darwin: [Posing for a photo] Ah!
[The news channel comes on, with Kip Schlezinger giving a special report]
Kip: And in other news, business moguls Gumball and Darwin Watterson have sold their Joyful Burger shares for a whopping four point six billion dollars. Our reporter has an exclusive interview from their lavish new mansion.
Mike: So, how do you feel about your success?
Darwin: It's cool. I mean, I like the big house, but it's kinda hard to communicate with each other.
Darwin's echo: Gumball, can you pass me the salt please?
Darwin: See, I asked him that last week.
Gumball: Oh, one moment.
[Gumball gets up and exits his side of the mansion. Boarding a helicopter, he flies to Darwin's helipad, retrieves the salt, then flies back]
Gumball: [Hands Darwin the salt] Sorry. You were saying?
Mike: What gave you the idea of getting into the fast-food industry in the first place?
Gumball: Well, it all started when my father wanted to try a secret burger, and...
[Gumball and Darwin look to their dad, who is standing off to the side. They go to join him, ashamed]
Gumball: We got completely sidetracked.

Hostage Negotiation

[Late at night, Richard and his sons sneak into Joyful Burger. Gumball tries to ambush Larry, who is listlessly sweeping the floor, by placing a bag over his head. However, it is far too small, so him and Darwin attempt to stretch the bag and use it as a blindfold]
Larry: Ah! Huh?
[After it rips, Richard takes Gumball's tattered piece, ineffectively using it as a club. Larry, despite noticing that something is amiss, somehow remains unaware of their presence]
Larry: Huh? Wha?
[The three simultaneously pull on the the remaining scrap. It tears, causing Richard to inadvertently strike Larry in the head, rendering him unconscious. They give themselves a thumbs-up. When Larry comes around, he finds himself tied to a chair in the restaurant's dimly lit kitchen]
Gruff voice: Tell us the name of the secret burger.
Larry: Uh, I don't mean to be disrespectful, but there's no point disguising your voice if you're not wearing any masks.
Gumball: Dad, is the deep-fryer on?
Larry: You can do whatever you like, but I'll never talk!
Gumball: Oh, we know there's nothing we can do to you to make you talk. That's why we brought him.
[Richard, Gumball, and Darwin step aside, revealing the Joyful Burger mascot]
Larry: [Gasps] No! Not Burgie!
[Richard and Gumball obscure Larry's view]
Larry: What are you doing?!
[Richard shows him the photo of Burgie with a bucket of fried chicken]
Larry: No! Burgie can't be seen eating our competitor's food! Please stop! I can't lose this job! I only have thirty-seven others!
[Larry is shown a second image of the mascot, this time posed with half-eaten drumsticks and its face covered in grease]
Larry: Ah! Please! Burgie would never betray the brand!
[Gumball manipulates the arm so that it appears to be slapping Darwin. Darwin pretends to scream and shield himself from the blow, as Richard takes the picture]
Larry: NOO! Burgie is a friend to all the children!
[The mascot is now holding a chicken foot over an electric blender, but Larry does not react]
Gumball: Hm?
Larry: What? That's just how nuggets are made.
Richard: All right. You asked for it. [Snaps off the mascot's fingers]
Larry: [Screams] No, no! You can't eat Burgie's fingers!
Richard: [Drops one in boiling oil] Anything is edible, if you deep-fry it long enough. [Takes a bite; His eyes water] I was wrong.
Larry: Okay, okay, stop! I'll tell you! There is a secret burger, but to be deemed worthy enough to know its name, first you have to eat a burger from every Joyful Burger in Elmore.
Richard: [Scoffs] Done!
Larry: [Jeering] In one hour!

Supersize Me

[Speeding around in their car, Richard, Gumball, and Darwin, begin the citywide fast-food frenzy. For every location they hit, Gumball crosses it off on a map. At the sixth stop, Richard is feeling the effects of his caloric overdose. Returning to the vehicle, burger in hand, he starts heaving]
Gumball & Darwin: Dad!
Gumball: What's going on with your face?!
[A thick yellow substance oozes from his pores]
Richard: I think it's sward.
Darwin: What's that?
Richard: Sweat made out of lard.
[Gumball and Darwin gag. Upon leaving the next Joyful Burger, one of Richard's buttons pops from his shirt, destroying the entire floor of an office tower in the distance. Nevertheless, the race continues until their fourteenth stop, when Richard's ever-increasing girth prevents him from climbing back into the car]
Darwin: You won't fit!
Richard: I've got this. [Grits his teeth, expelling more sweat]
Gumball: [Nauseated] Ohh, what is that now?
Richard: Sweeze.
Gumball: [Speaking rapidly] Okay but please don't tell us what that--
Richard: Sward made out of cheese.
[Gumball and Darwin retch again]
Richard: It will lubricate my body. Now, push!
[The brothers strain themselves to get their father into the driver's seat]
Gumball: Did you really have to supersize that last meal?
Richard: I'm sorry! It was just really good value.
[No sooner does Richard fasten his seatbelt, when all four tires burst in succession]
Gumball: Darn it. We're gonna have to run.
Richard: NOO!
Darwin: It's okay, Mr. Dad. That's the beauty of corporate mega-chains destroying our neighborhoods. There's always another one right across the street.
Richard: Like I said... NOO!
[The three of them on foot, five locations still to go, Gumball and Darwin are aiding Richard by bearing some of his excess flab]
Gumball: I think I smell burning.
Darwin: That's good. He's burning calories.
Richard: No, it's just my thighs rubbing together.
[Inside the latest Joyful Burger, Richard is downing a boxed kid's meal, toy included]
Gumball: W-w-wait! You can't eat that! [Pulls the toy from his mouth]
Richard: Aww.
Gumball: [Reads the box] Huh, what do you know. There's more nutritional value in the toy than the food.
[Reaching their final destination, the now morbidly obese Richard is trudging toward the entrance. His vision blurs, and the voices of his sons are in slow-motion]
Gumball & Darwin: Come on, Dad! You're almost there! You just gotta make it to the counter!
[Richard enters the establishment, falling onto his stomach]
Gumball & Darwin: Come on, you can make it!
[He slowly crawls forward, then stops and grabs at his chest]
Darwin: Mr. Dad! What's wrong?!
Richard: My heart!
Gumball: [Presses his ear against Richard] Nah, it's cool. It's still beating.
[After managing to pull himself up to the counter, Richard places the completed map in front of Larry]
Larry: Sir, you've earned this. I give you... [Lays the carton on a red velvet pillow] The M'Guffin.
Richard: [Awestruck] Look at it! It's like it's made of light!
Gumball: No, that's a regular burger, just grosser than usual.
[Sighing in satisfaction, Richard attempts to consume his prize, but is unable due to there being absolutely no room left in his stomach]
[The episode ends]
veTAWOGEPISODESfont Transcript
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TheDVDSeason1 TheResponsibleSeason1 TheThirdSeason1 TheDebtSeason1
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The DVD
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The Responsible
Episode 3
The Third
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The Debt
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The End
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The Pressure
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The Ghost
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The Mystery
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The Prank
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The Kiss
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The Party
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The Picnic
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The Secret
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