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The Job/Transcript

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< The Job

A Shocking Revelation

[Nicole is passed out on the ground, and appears to be having a nightmare]
Anais: [slaps a hand on Nicole] Mom! Wake up!
Nicole: Ah! Oh!
Gumball: Mom? Are you okay?
Nicole: Oh, I had the weirdest dream, I was on the front lawn, and your father had a job as a pizza delivery guy!
Richard: Ha! That wasn't a dream, that's what I just told you! And you fainted! Ha ha ha!
Nicole: Eh. Uh, I guess I was just overcome by a strange new feeling!
Darwin: What do you mean?
Nicole: I think I'm pruhhh - I think i'm puhrulll - I think I'm prood of you, Richard!
Anais: You mean "proud"?
Nicole: Yes, I think so. It's just, I'm not used to saying that word much, particularly to describe your father. Uh, uh, I think I need to go lie down. Something about this is not right. [To Gumball and Darwin] Please follow him to make sure nothing goes wrong!
[Gumball and Darwin nods]
Gumball: I gotta say, Dad, I never thought you were gonna get a job!
Richard: Neither did I! I found a number for Fervidus Pizza Delivery, but I didn't realize it was a job application. Should've known it was strange they wanted my Social Security number, but look at me now!! I am an Italian Food Distribution Engineer! Your mother is prood of me, and best of all, I can eat as much pizza as I like!
Gumball and Darwin: THEY GIVE YOU FREE PIZZA?
Richard: Technically, no. But what I do is...
[Scene cuts to the cube showing how Richard gets his "free pizza"]
Voice: Step 1: Remove a slice from the center of the pizza. Step 2: Eat the pizza slice. Step 3: Push the remaining halves of the pizza back together, and cover your tracks. Step 4: Put the pizza in its box. Step 5: Enjoy how clever you are. Step 6: Repeat.
Richard: Gawwh... Well, these pizzas aren't gonna deliver themselves! [gets on scooter] Whoa whoa whoa! whoa! Ha ha ha, GAAAH!
Gumball: [proudly] Look at him... [notices Richard dropped several pizza boxes] He's not gonna keep this job for long unless we give him a hand.
[Darwin shakes his head]

Whispers of Doom

Nicole: Your father has a job... Your father has a job. [jumps at Anais] SOMETHING'S GOING TO GO TERRIBLY WRONG, ISN'T IT?!
Anais: No, this is a good thing! We can finally buy all the things we need!
Nicole: What do you mean? We've got everything we need.
Anais: Mom... [she shows Nicole a framed photo of the family] We've all been wearing the same clothes for the past year, you three don't even have any shoes... [whispers] And I think it's time Darwin wore some pants.
Nicole: Huh... Wait a minute, show me that. [takes the photo] Look at the crack down the earth, and your father's eyes! [drops the photo] I've got a bad feeling about this.
Anais: Mom, please. It's just delivering pizzas! How wrong can it go?
Ominous Voices: Very wrong....

A Very Special Delivery

Gumball: Okay, 438 Elm Street. That's the place.
[Gumball rings the doorbell, Mr. Pepperoni opens the door]
Mr. Pepperoni: [gasps] Siciliana, come see what the stork brought us!
[Rushing footsteps, Siciliana appears at the door]
Siciliana: [gushing] Oh look, he's got his father's eyes! Oh he's beautiful.
Mr. Pepperoni: Thank you so much. Here's a twenty.
[Gumball uses the hand holding the pizza box to take the money, causing the pizza to fall. The pizza slowly slides down the porch stairs, leaving a trail of blood red pizza sauce. The Pepperonis stare, frozen in horror. Gumball slowly puts down the now empty pizza box, casually handing them a different one, which Siciliana accepts, still gaping at the previous spectacle. Gumball and Darwin inch down the stairs, then dash off, but not before stepping on the dropped pizza]

Richard on the Job

Richard: [Singing] Here I am, I got a J-O-B
Earnin' plenty o' dough for my family
Yeah, I'm Richard Watterson, employee
So have some R-E-S-P-C-K-T
I got a pizza in the box
I got a cola in the bottle
And I'll get it to ya' faster when I'm pullin' on the throttl-AHHHH!
[Richard loses control of the delivery moped, starts skidding down the road. He distorts the existence of objects he passes by - a fire hydrant changes color, a dog and his owner change roles, a traffic light starts changing signals randomly, and the outfits of mannequins on display get swapped.]

Made with All-Natural Ingredients

Darwin: Oh man, we gave them the vegetarian! What are we gonna do?!
Gumball: [strokes his chin] Improvise! [rings the doorbell]
Darwin: Are you sure this is going to work? Because right now-
[The screen scrolls down to reveal a poorly improvised vegetarian pizza - a mud crust with random plants and rocks found in an average garden strewn over as toppings.]
Darwin: -it kinda looks like a load of grass and dirt...
Gumball: Ehhh, it just needs some mozzarella.
[Spots a piece of old, chewed gum on the floor and picks it up, spreading it around their improvised vegan pizza appetizingly.]
Gumball: There!
[The door opens, revealing Mr. Small]
Mister Small: [looking withered from hunger] Ohhh, finally! I've been on this Tibetan diet where you're supposed to eat nothing but sunlight, but it's been really cloudy! I think I need to eat something that actually exists!! [digs into the "pizza", shoveling lump after lump of it in his mouth. After a few seconds, he stops, realizing what he just ate. His eye twitches.] At least it was organic...
[Mr. Small faints, his body sprawling out over his porch. Darwin pokes him with his shoe.]
Darwin: [Panicking] DUDE! I think he stopped breathing!
[Mr. Small blows a bubblegum bubble out of his mouth, signalling that he is, indeed, breathing. It inflates to a decent size, then pops. Darwin sighs in relief.]
Darwin: That'll be twenty dollars.

A Healthy Dose of Unreality

[At the Watterson house, Nicole is in the kitchen, getting a mug full of water from the sink. Richard passes by the house. With some ominous singing and his reality-distorting effect still kicking, he causes the water to defy gravity and flow up into the ceiling. Nicole panics and shuts the water off. Anais casually strolls in.]
Nicole: [still shaken up] Anais! Did you see that?! [pointing at the faucet]
Anais: See what?
[Nicole turns the faucet on again, but since Richard is long gone, it flows normally.]
Anais: [cheekily] Yeah, I know, running water! Wasn't like that in your day, huh? You know...when the world was in black and white, and you could leave your front door open, and everyone cycled to school in a bike with one big wheel at the front...
Nicole: I don't claim to understand it, Anais, but something is going wrong. Seriously wrong. And I think it has to do with your father.
Anais: [grabs the coffee mug and pats Nicole's hand] I think we're going to stop with the coffee...

A Creepy Bunch of Bananas

[Gumball rings the doorbell to The Banana estate. Banana Bob appears.]
Banana Bob: Ah, pizza!
[Banana Bob starts chanting "pizza" repeatedly. His wife and son come to join him as Gumball and Darwin look on awkwardly. Richard passes by and once again distorts reality, this time putting the Banana family in an infinite loop, cursed to repeat the Pizza chant forever.]
Gumball:, so...guess what's in the box!
[The Bananas are still chanting "Pizza". Gumball takes that as their answer to his question]
Gumball: Correct! And for ten points, what's round, from Italy, and sometimes has olives on it?
[Same as the previous question. Darwin starts giggling.]
Gumball: Right again! And, for double or nothing: what is the name of the tower that leans to one side?
[The Bananas are still chanting "Pizza".]
Gumball: Eh, it's "Pisa", but I'll give you that one. [getting annoyed at their unresponsiveness] O-okay, okay, game's over, guys.
[Pausing to wait for a response]
Gumball and Darwin Riiight.
Gumball: I'm just going to put the box down here. O-okay, bye now...[closes door]
Darwin: Well, somebody likes pizza...
[Gumball peeks through their mail slot. He sees the family still chanting "Pizza" repeatedly, but in slow motion.]
Gumball: That's one creepy bunch of bananas, man.

Media Blitz

[Nicole is still worried about the state of the world. She shivers on the couch as Anais comforts her.]
Anais: Mom, when you say "Dad having a job has upset the fundamental balance of the universe", are you sure you don't just mean he's changed the balance of power in the house, and that upsets you because you're a little bit of a control freak?
Nicole: No...well, maybe uh, I don't know anymore!
[Gumball and Darwin casually walk in]
Nicole: Boys! What's going on with your father? Has something terrible happened?
Gumball: Um, he dropped a few pizzas so...we delivered 'em. That's about it.
Nicole: [relieved] Maybe I should just try to forget about this...
[Nicole turns on the TV. A breaking news report is on, alerting the citizens of Elmore of the strange things happening around the town.]
News Reporter: Reports of strange occurences all around Elmore! At Food 'n' Stuff, it's been nighttime all day!
Pantsbully: It's supposed to be noon!
News Reporter: Meanwhile, residents were confused by unseasonal snow!
Lizard Woman: It's supposed to be June!
News Reporter: And one senior citizen seems to have inverted gravity!
Marvin: I'm supposed to be on the ground!
[Nicole shuts off the TV, angry. She realizes the only rational explanation for this is Richard getting a job.]
Nicole: SEE? I told you! This is all because of your father! Some things are not meant to be! Dogs shouldn't get on with cats, men shouldn't have ponytails, and your father is not meant to have a job!
Darwin: What are we gonna do?!
Nicole: We have to stop him.

The Eleventh Hour

[Nicole, the kids, and a kidnapped Larry rush to fire Richard in their car.]
Larry: Look, I'm sorry, but tearing apart the fabric of the universe is not a dismissible offence! Now please let me go!
Nicole: Don't you understand?! You need to fire him!
Larry: But he's doing okay!
Nicole: What if he delivers a pizza late?
Larry: Uh, well, yeah I guess I could fire him for that...
Nicole: Then he's not gonna deliver this one.

In Utter Darkness

RichardMild or spicy, my flavors will exhilarate
You get them double-quickly when I'm twisting the accelerator!
Twisting the accelerator!
Twisting the accelerator!
[With every "twist of the accelerator", energy shoots out the engine of the delivery moped, shaking the existence of everything it makes contact with. Larry, Nicole, and the kids search for him in the wreckage, gaping in a mixture of awe and horror at the effects of Richard having a job. Ominous voices start singing monotonously as they drive on through this distorted version of their neighborhood.]
Darwin: We must be getting close. [noticing Richard driving by] That was him!
[Nicole backs up and turns the car, following Richard closely.]
[Their car is now right behind Richard's moped. As they try to get closer, Richard twists the accelerator again, sending out another wave of distortion energy.]
Anais: The closer we get to dad, the more warped the universe becomes! We've gotta be careful!
Nicole: Then you better hold on tight...
[Nicole boldly approaches Richard's moped again. This time, the wave of energy switches their heads around. Nicole has Larry's head, Gumball has Anais', Darwin has Nicole's, Larry has Darwin's, and Anais has Gumball's head.]
Gumball: [with Anais' head and thus, her genius brain] What's happened? I feel really smart!
Anais: [with Gumball's tiny brain] I don't...
[Another wave hits them, swapping their positions in the car. Gumball is in the driver's seat but, being twelve years old, has no idea how to drive.]
[The car veers uncontrollably, nearly flipping over when another wave hits them. This wave puts them back in their normal places. Everyone in the car breathes a sigh of relief.]
Nicole: This is not so bad...
[Several waves start bombarding the car, each one altering the family's animation style. They scream throughout the entire process. Suddenly, they all change back to normal, except they are outside the car. They breathe a sigh of relief, but...]
Nicole: I think the worst is ov-
[Upon noticing a car heading straight for them (and that they are not even in their own car), Nicole and her passengers scream as she veers out of the way. They get bombarded by more distortions, the first one putting them back in the car but the subsequent ones changing their animation styles again.]
Nicole: CAN'T... TAKE IT... ANY... [turns into a real cat] meow. [After getting hit by another wave, she turns back to normal] Where's he delivering this pizza?
Larry: Ah, 34th street!
Nicole: I know a shortcut! We'll be there in no-
[Gets cut off by another wave, this one sending them back in time to when they started the chase]
Larry: Look, I'm sorry, but tearing apart the fabric of the universe is not a dismissible offense! Now please let me go!
Gumball: [realizing they went back in time] What th-? Oh, man, we went back in time!
Anais: We'll never catch up with him!
Nicole: We'll see about that!
[Nicole slams on the gas, dodging floating cars in the way. They eventually reach a clear strip of road, on which they get put on an infinite loop. After the third attempt to cross, she stops and exits off a side road.]
Nicole: We'll go this way... [after finally making progress] What's the house number?
Larry: Uh, I don't know!
Nicole: Well make an effort! This street is two miles long!
Gumball: [upon seeing a severely messed up house] Uh, I think I know which house it is!
[The rest of the family slowly turn and gaze upon a brilliant beam of light shining down on a house in front of Richard. Richard gets off his moped and begins walking to the door to deliver the pizza and end the world. Nicole pulls up behind his parked bike.]
Darwin: There he is!
[Richard starts walking up the porch stairs. With every step, he sends out another distorting wave of energy. The first one turns the clouds to stone, causing them to fall]
Nicole: RUUUUUN!
[Nicole and the kids escape from the car just as the clouds crush it. Richard continues walking up the steps, this time the waves he emits again change the animation styles of the characters. Nicole and the kids drag Larry, trying to convince him to fire Richard.]
Larry: But he hasn't done anything wrong!
Nicole: He's destroying the univers-urgh
[Nicole loses her outline, causing her to melt down into a puddle of blue ink]
Gumball, Darwin and Anais: MOM!!
Nicole: I'm all right! I guess... Now go and stop your father!
[The kids continue dragging Larry to fire Richard.]
Anais: Gumball, look!
[Richard moves his pointed finger towards the doorbell. The kids scream at him to stop, all while sporadically changing shape and form.]
Gumball, Darwin and Anais: DAD! [Their voices distorted from the sporadic transformations] DON'T DELIVER THE PIZZA!
[Richard succeeds in ringing the doorbell. The customer opens the door.]
Gumball, Darwin, Larry, Nicole and Anais: [still transforming unpredictably] NOOOOOO!
[Right before the customer accepts the pizza, he notices that a large portion of it is missing.]
Newspaper Employee: Hey!
[Larry rushes to see what the problem with the pizza is. He isn't happy with what he sees.]
Larry: Have you been eating this pizza?!
Richard [nervously] Just a little bit from the middle.
Larry: Watterson, in accordance with article 34 of the Fervidus Pizza handbook... [in a strange deep voice] I fire thee!
Richard: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Richard being employed no longer, the world returns to normal. A rainbow shoots out across the skies of Elmore, signifying that everything is at peace. Larry angrily drives away in the delivery moped, shooting a look of contempt back at Richard.]
Richard: [ashamed] ...I'm sorry I lost my job, Nicole. I know you were really prood of me.
Nicole: It's all right, honey.
[The family gathers around Richard to hug him.]
Richard: But don't worry! I'll get another one!
[The dramatic music plays again, the camera zooms out, and lightning ominously strikes Richard's finger. His eyes also turn red, just like in the photo.]
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