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Principal's Office 1

Nigel Brown: [Sighs] Can you please explain why your clothes are painted on?
Gumball: Well, you see, Principal Brown, the thing is...
[Flashback]
Richard: Okay, Nicole said I needed to use a quarter cup of washing liquid and a half cup of softener. And set it for exactly one hour and two minutes. Wait three seconds... and go!
Gumball: Did you just put the clothes in the dishwasher?
Richard: Yeah.
Darwin: Then what did you do with the dishes?
[Scene changes to the washing machine, "washing" the dishes]
[End of flashback]
Gumball: Let's just say we like to dress sharp, but not that sharp.
Darwin: We thought no one would notice. What gave it away? Did we mess up the back part?
[Gumball turns around revealing they have not painted their backsides]
Nigel Brown: No, it was the PIXELATED PART! Surely, you must realize you can't walk around in public looking like you feel asleep at an art student's party! Do I really need to add another Watterson amendment to the school's rule book?!
Gumball: But what's the difference? Sure, the clothes are fake, but they're just as good as the real ones.
Nigel Brown: [Inhales deeply] Let me make this clear for you. If you wear fake clothes, you're NAKED, which is bad! If you pay with fake money, you're A CROOK, which is bad! If you eat fake meat, you're A VEGETARIAN! Which I... Guess is not that bad, just a bit boring. I mean, it's good for the animals, I guess, but they always have a smug, superior attitude, and for some reason, the men are always topless and playing bongos in the park. That and the sandals just makes me want to eat raw liver.
[While he talks, Gumball observes the diploma on Principal Brown's wall. He sees it is just painted on the wall and has a banana sticker for a seal of authenticity]
Gumball: What if you have a fake diploma?
Nigel Brown: Well, then you're a-- [Gasps]
Gumball: A principal, Principal Brown?
Nigel Brown: Uh, what gave it away?
Gumball: I don't know. Maybe the fact you painted it directly onto the wall or probably because you used a banana sticker as a seal of authenticity.
Darwin: Wait, so do you have a diploma or not?
Nigel Brown: [Chuckles] Kids, I am a principal, and you need a diploma to be a principal.
Gumball: Is that a yes or a no?
Nigel Brown: It is.
Gumball and Darwin: OH MY GOSH, YOU'RE A FRAUD!
Nigel Brown: All right, you got me, but I have one more trick up my sleeve. [Crying] PLEASE, PLEASE DON'T TELL ANYONE, PLEASE! HAVE SOME PITY ON ME, PLEASE!
Gumball: Don't worry, Principal Brown. We wouldn't want anything bad to happen to you.
Nigel Brown: [Menacingly] Oh I see. It's gonna be like that, is it?
Darwin: Yeah, it's gonna be like that.
Nigel Brown: Oh I get it.
Gumball: Uh, do you? 'Cause it doesn't seem like you do. [He faces Gumball and sticks out his nose]
Nigel Brown: [Grunts] I got the message.
Gumball: Riiight...
[Gumball and Darwin leave the Principal's office]
Darwin: I'm still not sure he understood.
Gumball: Yeah, me neither, but that seemed like it was gonna go on forever.
[Principal Brown drags Gumball and Darwin back into the office]
Nigel Brown: O-okay, so, what do you want? Just name it. Anything, anything! Uh, do you want me to bump your grades? I can do that! I can bump your grades! I can do that!
Gumball: Uh, no thanks. We'd be forced to maintain that kind of standard forever. I think it's best if we stay in our comfort zone.
Darwin: Just above fail.
Nigel Brown: Uh, what about sick notes?! I can fix you up!
Gumball: Uh, t-thanks, but I don't think I'd feel good about everyone believing I've got mange.
Nigel Brown: You're making this tough. [He rips open the front part of his fur, revealing a jacket of sorts full of hall passes]
Gumball: Ugh!
Nigel Brown: What about hall passes?
Gumball: Doesn't that hurt?
Nigel Brown: Yes, every time.
Gumball: I... think we're gonna pass on the passes. Please cover up.
Nigel Brown: I see. [Sticks his fur back on] Ah, then I've got just what you need. Behold the chest of confiscated treasures. [Opens the case] You may pick anything you like. These fireworks are illegal, even in Russia.
Gumball: Seems like a lot of this stuff should require a license.
Darwin: Who buys stuff like this?
Gumball: People with fingers to spare.
Darwin: But as you can see, I don't.
Gumball: Thanks, but no thanks.
[Gumball closes the case and they leave the office]
Nigel Brown: No, no, no, no, wait! I-I've got bottle rockets, cherry bombs, and this big one! I-I don't even know what it does! [Start screaming]
[The fireworks explode, destroying the office. A ringing sound is heard, which turns out to be a phone]
Nigel Brown: [Hangs up the phone] They can't be bought, they're bound to denounce me. I need to find another angle!
[Principal Brown's hair starts to burn]

Cafeteria

Gumball: Dude, check this out! [Gumball catapults his food in the air and gets launched directly into his mouth] That's right, baby!
Darwin: It would've been more impressive if you succeeded the first time.
[Ceiling is shown, covered in peas. All students are annoyed at being covered in them]
Leslie: Hmph! [Almost trips on the floor]
[Principal brown comes in the cafeteria, dressed in a hip-hop outfit and bling]
Nigel Brown: Swag! Rap music!
Gumball: What the what?!
Nigel Brown: Piercings! YOLO! Hashtag! MP3! Tweets! Selfies! Skinny jeans! L-O-
[Mr. Small smacks Principal Brown with a tray]
Mister Small: I'm sorry, Principal Brown, but you look like such a jerk that even a granola-crunching pacifist like me had to something about it.
Nigel Brown: Fair enough.
[Principal brown crawls up to Gumball and Darwin's table]
Darwin: What are you doing, Principal Brown?
Nigel Brown: Well, I thought if I was cool and became your friend, you wouldn't tell anyone.
Gumball: Okay. Well, it's a bit weird, but, yeah, I guess we could be friends if it makes you feel better.
Nigel Brown: That is so refrigerated! You guys are riddled with disease! We should very much be suspended in an exterior environment.
Gumball: Did you mean to tell us that that's cool, we're sick, and we should totally hang out together?
Nigel Brown: For sure! Uh, izzle.

Watterson's House

[Scene changes to inside tent. Gumball clears his throat and inhales deeply, as if about to say something, but then sighs]
Nigel Brown: So, now we're friends. Do you want to share some girl stories?
[Gumball and Darwin inhale sharply]
Gumball: AWKWARD, AWKWARD, AWKWARD!
Darwin: YEP, YEP, YEP!
Nigel Brown: Okay, I'll go first. I must say, things are going pretty well with me and Miss Simian.
[Gumball and Darwin inhale sharply again]
Nigel Brown: Oh, come now. Just because you're students and I'm your principal, it doesn't mean we can't share a few - AAAND I finally heard myself out loud. Goodbye.
[Principal Brown jumps through the window]
Nigel Brown: It's okay! I landed in a dumpster!

School Hallway

[Gumball finds a note in his locker from Principal Brown]
Gumball: [Reading the note] "Please don't tell." Uh, he attached twenty dollars to the note. How cheap does he think we are?
[Another note comes out, then another, until twenty dollar notes are pouring out rapidly. When they stop, Gumball begins to say something, but Darwin cuts him off]
Darwin: No, you can't even remember what he doesn't want us to talk about!
[Gumball sighs, then suddenly Principal Brown’s muffled voice comes from inside a nearby locker]
Nigel Brown: If money isn't enough to stop you revealing I don't have a diploma...
[Gumball opens the locker by snapping his fingers, and Principal Brown gets out]
Nigel Brown: I've got a little dirt of my own. What if this were to go public? [He shows a picture of Gumball and Darwin in goth clothes]
Gumball: [Sighs] Look Principal Brown, first, that was a phase, and secondly, we've felt ashamed so many times in life that I think we're now incapable of feeling it, as in chemically.
Darwin: The doctor says we've run out of shame-osterone. Let me show you. [Opens up Gumball's head] As you can see, the brain is composed of many sections dedicated to emotion. Here is anger. Here is sadness. This here... We just don't know. And finally, this is the shame gland. As you can see, It's pretty dried out.
[Principal Brown sighs and walks away]
Gumball: Dude, could you put me back together, please?
Darwin: Sure. How's that?
Gumball: Jeg tror der er et eller andet der er sat helt forkert sammen [Darwin shakes him] Thanks. That's much better.
Nigel Brown: [Over intercom] Gumball and Darwin Watterson, please report to the Principal's office.
Gumball: [Sighs] What does he want now?

Principal's Office 2

Nigel Brown: Kids, I think I'm losing my mind.
[Gumball and Darwin both sighs]
Gumball: Finally!
Darwin: Well, at least you realize it's a problem.
Nigel Brown: I looked everywhere. I looked in the drawer. I looked under my desk, behind the bookshelf.
Gumball: Wait, what are we talking about here?
Nigel Brown: My glasses! I can't find my glasses.
Gumball: Uh, you're wearing them.
Nigel Brown: Oh, no, not these.. My spare pair. I think they might be in this safe.
[Darwin crawls inside the safe]
Gumball: You keep your spare glasses in a safe?
Darwin: [Muffled] I can't see them!
Nigel Brown: Oh, no, no, no, they're right in the back. Just keep going further in.
[Principal Brown winks at the screen; Gumball looks at the screen and then back at Principal Brown]
Gumball: You're gonna lock us in the safe, aren't you?
Nigel Brown: Uh, would you believe a "no?"
Gumball: Look, Principal Brown, this is ridiculous! If you keep wasting your time on us instead of doing your job, this place is gonna start falling apart!
[Rocky crashes through the ceiling]
Rocky: Oh, sorry.
Gumball: [Sighs] Okay, you really want to do something for us?
Nigel Brown: Anything!
Gumball: Then you'll leave us alone?
Nigel Brown: Of course!
Gumball: Then just take care of the school!
Nigel Brown: Yes, yes, yes, of course. That's it, take care of the school, and all my problems will be solved. Thank you, Watterson! All I have to do is blow this place up!
Gumball: Exactly!
Darwin: All I could find was these. [He holds up a pair of red high-heels]
Gumball: Oh, well, that would explain the sound when he walks. WAIT, DID HE SAY BLOW UP THE SCHOOL?!

Blowing Up The School

Darwin: We need to raise the alarm!
Gumball: Are you crazy?! No one can know about this! There'd be complete panic! We just have to stop him before he blows up the school!
Leslie: Who's gonna blow up the school?!
Gumball: [Laughing] No, no, we were just saying how the wind blows up the [Mumbling] Help me out here!
[Darwin kicks Leslie out of the school]
Leslie: [Screams] Whoa!
Gumball: [Sputters] WHAT'D YOU DO THAT FOR?!
Darwin: You said no one could know, and you winked at me!
Gumball: YEAH, BUT I WAS.. Uh, uh. never mind. Let's go.
Nigel Brown: Rocky, can I have the keys to the boiler room? I'm gonna blow up the school.
Rocky: Eh, sure.
Nigel Brown: Uh, you'd better run.
Rocky: Oh, it's the little blue one! Sometimes it sticks, so you might need to give it a-- PRINCIPAL BROWN'S GONNA BLOW UP THE SCHOOL?!
Gumball: No, no, no, no, no, that's not what he meant! It's [Chuckles] It's not what you.. [Chuckling nervously]
Darwin: HI-YAH! HI-YAH! [Shouting indistinctly]
Rocky: Wait a minute. Are you trying to knock me ou-- [Faints]
Nigel Brown: If there's no school, then there's nothing to lose!
Coach: Excuse me, Principal Brown, I--
Nigel Brown: Take the children outside, Coach. I'm gonna blow up the school.
Coach: Uh, wait, blow up what?
Gumball: Okay, okay, enough violence! I'll take care of her. I'm sorry, Coach.
Darwin: What's that?
Gumball: I'm trying to pinch a nerve cluster, but it's buried pretty deep.
Darwin: Oh, let me try something. Apparently, it works on cows. [He pushes Coach until she falls over]
Nigel Brown: I've got to blow this place up!
Mister Small: Principal Brown is gonna blow up the school?!
Gumball: Mr. Small, we can explain!
Mister Small: Hold on, kids. I need to make a symbolic gesture of protest. HALT IN THE NAME OF LOVE! [Gets run over by Principal Brown]
Nigel Brown: Once this place is gone, my reputation will be safe! Save yourself, Lucy! [Hits the drywall] Ohh! Oh, sorry. I thought that was another drywall. [Hits the drywall again] Ohh! And again. Everyone, evacuate the school!
[Everyone starts screaming. Principal Brown raises the alarm]
Nigel Brown: [Grunting] Now all I have to do is increase the oxygen supply, shut off the carbon dioxide release valve, which should combine with the boiling H2O, kick-start a reaction, which will BLOW UP THE WHOLE SCHOOL!
Gumball: STOP! DON'T DO THIS!
Nigel Brown: SAVE YOURSELVES!
Gumball: YOU MISUNDERSTOOD US! We don't want you to blow up the school!
Nigel Brown: But it's the only solution!
Lucy Simian: Nigel, what is going on?!
Nigel Brown: Wait, it should've blown by now. Oh, yeah, it's because of chemistry that I failed my diploma.
Gumball: Tell them the truth, Principal Brown.
Nigel Brown: [Sighs] I don't have a diploma. Your principal is nothing more than a... a fraud! I should go. But promise me you'll find a new principal to look after this place.
Darwin: But you are our principal.
Gumball: Or at least you were until you started worrying about that stupid diploma.
Lucy Simian: We all lie sometimes. I lied about my age to get this job. I'm not quite the spring chicken you think I am.
Mister Small: Hey, man, I'm not even a U.S citizen!
Coach: And I'm not a woman! [Everyone looks at her] Who can say she's never lied on her résumé either.
Gumball: Haven't you been doing this job for twenty years? Surely, no one else is more qualified to be our principal than our principal.
Nigel Brown: You know what? You're right. I'm gonna get this place back on track starting right here, right now!
[The whole school explodes, everyone coughs]
Nigel Brown: Oh, yes, sorry, it was mathematics that I failed. [Faints]
[End of episode]
veTAWOGEPISODESfont Transcript
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The Mystery
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The Kiss
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