You've got to go on without me. I'm stuck for the next 2 turns.

—Richard Watterson in "The Club"

I'll be honest with ya, I broke 5 ribs, but it was all worth it, just to see your faces!

—Richard Watterson in "The Prank"

Come on, think outside the box! It's got everything we need -- a toilet, a...toilet...

—Richard Watterson in "The End"

I'll do it for you, my little girl! ...And I need that key to the executive washroom.

—Richard Watterson in "The Painting"

Apocalypse, Apocla-tips -- it's all the same, smarty pants!

—Richard Watterson in "The End"

Sorry, I've got a medical condition, called laziness.

—Richard Watterson in "The Laziest"

It's only funny when it happens to someone else!

—Richard Watterson in "The Prank"

Well, none of this would have happened if it wasn't for you! [points at a broken computer]

—Richard Watterson in "The Responsible"

Oh, no! It seems I can't put them on! I'm afraid we can't go to the parents' evening.

—Richard Watterson in "The Responsible"

It's because of you I'm mortal!

—Richard Watterson in "The Gi"

What? So you mean the president didn't really need my cape?

—Richard Watterson in "The Gi"

We grow up so fat!

—Richard Watterson in "The Mustache"

O Madre Mia!

—Richard Watterson in "The Remote"

Watch your language, young man! Cheese is not to be invoked in vain in this house!

—Richard Watterson in "The Refund"

Oh, yeah, I have no idea how that happened. It was wet when I put it in.

—Richard Watterson in "The Prank"

I have invented the sausage pen! Everything it writes is delicious.

—Richard Watterson in "The Fridge"

First he takes my sausages, and then what? Should I let him take my wife? A man's house is his castle, Nicole. And this is a castle, and I'm not letting him ruin it. There's a phantom in our bed, ...A giant earwig! And the next thing you know, he'll come for the kids -- the kids!

—Richard Watterson in "The Poltergeist